Scarborough Fair

The opposites.

2009-10-09T23:29:00.001-07:00

She wanted it all. The sun, the moon, the stars. Every morning she woke up and started thinking of all she could do to get closer to her goal. Every evening she drove home thinking of slip-ups and opportunities lost during the day. The focus and ambition was both exhausting and addictive. People must have seen it in her eyes, her stride, her words. She wanted the world and she was ready to do whatever it took to get it.

The Romantic
He looked at her as she walked in and held the look. Her only interest in him was the work he did and how he might help furthen her goals. She went by him to exchange a few words, only because it helps to network. He suggested an evening out. He had traveled the world, South America, China, India, Thailand and many more. He spoke of hobbies and passions instead of organization structure. He reminded of her younger years. He even suggested clandestine getaways to wine making lands.

Start of a romantic novel? Page from my diary? Page from a friends diary? Does it matter? Ideas flowed and thus was a blog post made..

Analogies

2009-02-07T10:52:00.000-08:00

They run through my mind like scurrying ants. Totally random. Completely pointless. Rather keep the mind bogged down with amusing thoughts than let it fall prey to people-judging, comparing, self elevating and people deprecating ones. So here goes. A compilation of some of the analogies I've come up with.

Driving on a jam packed freeway

Do you stay put on the slow moving lane, not think of it too much, enjoy the ride, the radio, the company? Or do you constantly plan and make lane changes so as to reach your destination in the shortest possible time? Moreover, do you ride on the right-turn-only lane so that you can get ahead of the rest and cut in up ahead? Do you drive at the fastest possible speed that won't get you a ticket?

It all seems so similar to how people live their lives. Some of them like the chase. They have this need to get ahead. They'll do everything possible to get there, faster than the others, ahead of the others. Others like their life just the way it is. They don't think the benefits of making a change is worth the trouble. Or they just plain don't want to think. Especially when all is going smooth just the way it is.

I personally think both styles are perfectly fine. Who do I associate myself with? I alternate.

You can keep adding more aspects to this analogy. A five hour long drive, all by myself gave me enough material to write a thesis on this topic.

The rate at which to consume the limited amount of side dish you have

Think chapaties and a limited amount of sabzi. You don't want to finish the sabzi too early least you have to eat the last few morsels of your chapati all by itself. You don't want to be too careful and have sabzi left over even after the chapti is gone. You wouldn't then have derived the most relish out of the dish. (There is this third option where you can show complete apathy and not really care, which is probably what most of you would be doing. Depth lacking, non-thinkers you. I quote Monthy Python when I say, "I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of old elderberries!".)

Seems so similar to saving for the future. You don't want to be too parsimonious. What's the point if you are gone and there is money left. Neither do you want to reach a state of all the money being gone and, well, you being left. To spend at just the right rate so as to optimally utilize all that you make.

Homework doing. Team up or go solo.

"You could submit your homework in pairs", the Professor said. "Fewer papers to grade would make my life easier". I look around. One girl I know. Something tells me she has her partner picked out. Either ways, the proposition of pairing up with her doesn't interest me too much. I wait through a few classes. A couple of weeks pass and the first homework is around the corner. Still no success in finding my partner. Then one class, on one of those 'need-to-get-business-done' days, I notice a guy next to me reading a tech magazine. Cool I think. The class over, I ask him if he's interested in joining forces. "Why not", he says.

Till date, the move to pair up has proved beneficial. I don't know if I could have done better. One thing is for sure, it's definately worked out better than going solo. I think to myself, 'is this how marriages work?'. You never know if you could have done better, but you are sure to do better with someone than without? It's possible that a you might have been able to build a stronger team but it's certain that a team will be stronger than the individuals by themselves? The catch however is, how alike are the goals. The sum of two vectors in the direction of one of the vectors will greater than the original vector only if the angle between the vectors is less than 90 degrees.

Do we then continue on this line of reasoning and conclude that a "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" scenario would be even more beneficial?

These words from the Sunscreen video come to mind.

"Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t,
maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t,
maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…
what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s."

"Half chance", she said. She wants to take it. I'm a safe player.

On a completely different note, to all the men out there (in case you haven't already come across this list), this. Don't judge me.

And ladies. How could I ever forget you. This and this.

Insights

2008-12-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I posted. Graduate life does not leave you with too much spare time. It does give you a fair amount of time to think (since you have no money to do much else), just not enough time to be amusing. The following are some of the insights I've had over the past few months.

Time spent studying to performance graph

Speed of work is inversely proportional to time to deadline.

Happiness = e^x
A friends insight this one. Say something makes you happy at a point of time. After a while you get used to the feeling. Then, you're no longer as happy as you were at the earlier instant. You need something better/bigger/different to make you happy again.
Happiness = Derivative of happiness, he said.
This line from Grey's Anatomy made sense. "Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop." It's all about the change.

PS: Here I speak only of external sources of happiness.

The fight
"TA ke liye fight nahi mara", he asked. "Didn't you put up a fight for a TA", it translates to. Fight? I thought. Is that what it takes? Is that why some get ahead of others? (We can discuss what we want to define as "ahead" in a later post) Because they fight for it?

Competition
It's a double edged sword, this competition. It gets you to work really hard and achieve great things. You probably end up leading a miserable life.

For respect or envy?
Is everything we do just so that we have the envy or respect of others? Just so that others think of us as an awesome, all knowing or accomplished (whichever floats your boat) person? If that is the case, and it can't be helped, I'd rather work for respect than envy.

Stable matching
I've mentioned the stable matching algorithm in an earlier post. The classic example involves pairing men and women. The conditions to be satisfied and the algorithm to get there is explained here. I wonder if real life works this way as well. Men propose to woman starting from the lady on the top of their "preferred women list". If rejected, they move on to their next preference. Women trade up. Whenever proposed by a man higher up on their "preferred men list", they break their current pairing and pair up with this new person. (This analogy does bring out women in bad light). The point to be noted is, this algorithm is "male-optimal and female-pessimal", which translates to, "each man is paired with his highest ranked feasible partner and each female is paired with her lowest ranked feasible partner". Women, think. Maybe this tells us something. Maybe we ought to change how we work. Maybe actively seek rather than passively wait?

Tattva galore.

2008-07-11T18:50:00.000-07:00

The cat lived a long dull life.

"If ignorance is bliss why do we seek knowledge?", the contestants of Miss India contest were asked.

Oscar Wilde says, "It is a sad thing to think of, but there is no doubt that genius lasts longer than beauty. That accounts for the fact that we all take such pains to over educate ourselves. In the wild struggle for existence, we want to have something that endures, so we fill our minds with rubbish and facts, in the silly hope of keeping our place. The throughly well informed man-that is the modern ideal. And the mind of the thoroughly well informed man is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-a-bric shop, all monsters and dust with everything priced above its proper value."

As kids we are encouraged to have a healthy sense of curiosity. The kid with most questions is considered to have the more agile and sound of minds. As we grow older, people grow less tolerant of incessant questioning. Curiosity goes from an appreciated quality to an annoying one. Yet, you learn only if you are curious and ask questions. So, where do you draw the line when it comes to question asking and curious being?

Favor bank

One of the characters in the book Bonfire of the Vanities talks of how the entire criminal justice system works on a concept called "favor bank". Whenever a person does a favor for another, it is thought of as deposits made to this bank. One makes deposits whenever one can. That way, when the need arises, one gets to make withdrawals. I was lead to wonder if real life works this way as well. If the reason we make friends, care and do so much for them is so that they'll be there when we need them. It was a depressing thought.

Judge a person based on his brains and not his beauty?

Brains is as much a genetically acquired quality as beauty is. For that matter, any quality is probably genetically acquired. I guess the solution would be to stop judging.

A ghazal by Jagjit Singh goes, "Parakhna mat parakhne main koi apna nahin rehta". It translates to, "don't judge. No one remains your own in the process." This is a crappy translation but it pretty much conveys his message.

If you speak everything you think you must be seriously devoid of thoughts.

Period.

Currently reading Far from the Madding Crowd. The introduction to the book says, "Far from the Madding Crowd is the book that made Hardy famous, and it is the sunniest and least brooding of his great novels." Those are not exactly encouraging words. I told this to a friend. He said he would gift me Hardy's other works.

Marissa Mayer's keynote at Google I/O developers conference here. Nice insight into how they work at Google. Wiki says she was the first female engineer hired at Google. I'm envious.

The art of conversation making

2008-06-11T00:25:00.000-07:00

"Conversation like television on honeymoon. Unnecessary."
has been one of my all time favorite quotes. Whether I think conversation to be unnecessary because I'm not too good at it or if I'm not too good at it because I think it to be unnecessary is.. a chicken and egg question(of sorts).

All said and done, you sometimes have this urge to talk to people even when you have nothing to say. I have been flexing my conversation starting skills lately. Needless to say I haven't achieved too much success. Considering the fact that my past attempts involved questions like, "So. You ever tried running away from home when you were a kid" and "Did you ever have an imaginary friend", the fact that the people I tried conversing with didn't think I was a freak was, in itself, a feat.

For lack of better ways of keeping myself amused I've tried to categorize the various conversation starting/making strategies. Some of these I've actually tried out. Some were tried on me. Accompanying them are also the replies that ran through my mind when the statements/questions were made/asked.

1. The skill of observation making.

1a) I walked by the cube of a colleague reading something.

Me: Reading I see..
Ideal reply: Making obvious observations I see..
:D

1b) Walked by the cube of a colleague heading home with his bike.

Me: Ah. Heading home I see.
Ideal reply: Na. Taking my bike out for a stroll.

2. The art of incessant question asking.

She: What are you watching?
Me: The news.
She: Oh. You watch it regularly?
Me: More like randomly.
She: So. How many of you went for the movie?
Me: 5.
She: Who all?
Me: A, B, C, D.
She: Oh. And who organized it?
Me: A.
She: Oh. Which movie.
Ideal reply: Jenna Jameson the Masseuse.

3. The concern strategy.

Question: Hey, how have you been?
Ideal reply: I would rather die than lead the pathetic life that I currently do. My girlfriend thinks I'm a loser and is with me only because she has nowhere else to go, my friends have stopped talking to me since I stopped buying them lunch and sometimes the boredom and ennui of this vacuous existence makes me want to jump in front of a moving train.

That's all I have come up with so far. To all the women out there(and the men who don't get bored easy): This.

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may"

2008-06-01T10:12:00.000-07:00

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today;
Tomorrow will be dying."

From this poem by Robert Henrrick. The poet asks young women to nail themselves a man before their beauty fades. Sigh. Even 17th century poets seem to be bent on rubbing in the fact that a woman's beauty is but a fleeting asset. Also the nailing a man part.

I was home spending a not-exactly-happening Friday evening when I decided to occupy myself with a movie. The movie of choice; "Dead Poets Society."

Sigh. I guess you're just more susceptible to getting carried away by words, romance, and happy ideas on a Friday evening.

"Show me the heart unfettered by foolish dreams and I'll show you a happy man.", said the cynic.
"But only in their dreams can men be truly free. 'Twas always thus, and always thus will be.", said Mr. Keating(Robin Williams).

"And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

"We must constantly look at things a different way"

"Most men lead lives of quite desperation"

"Carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary. "

Robin William kicks ass (like he always does). You also find a young Robert Sean Leonard who also stars in House MD as the best friend and a unfaithful husband. James Williams... Sigh..

Director: Peter Weir. Also the director of "The Truman Show".

" "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be? "

"My verse?", I thought.
"Blow the trumpet, blow it loud. Let the world know you're around."
(I know what blowing your trumpet means. I'm not an idiot, as much as a lot of you would like to believe. Especially you. Why *this* particular line? Because it came to me at the time. And *more* importantly.. It rhymed.)

A good movie is one that makes you laugh and cry with it. I loved every moment of it. Being whimsical one might say. I'm 23. I'll be 23 for only this one year. I want to enjoy every moment of being 23. I was 17 once. I'm really glad I did all that only a 17 year old has the heart, courage and opportunity to do.

Of life and other lame things.

2008-05-17T17:21:00.000-07:00

Asking me what I want of life seems to be the pet peeve of people around me these days. To them I have to say, this and this. (The first link brought to my attention by him).

So, I have been doing some soul searching and have arrived at the conclusion that... Well, I haven't really arrived at any conclusion. Who do you think I am? Socrates? How well do you know me to expect me to arrive at any conclusion.

The famous sunscreen video tells me,

"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t."

I like that video. The words of wisdom he dispenses make so much sense.

"Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself."

That, and this poem.

But all that thinking has brought up some rather interesting.. theories? ideas? questions?

1. Independence and security. Why does it feel like you might have to sacrifice one for the other.

2. I remember watching an episode of Star Trek where Captain Kirk says something to the effect of, "In todays world people don’t work for money but rather for personal fulfillment."

This is my idea of Utopia. This, and free communication and travel. I believe(or want to believe) that we are getting there. We have more flexibility in our choice of careers than our parents did. We ask ourselves what we wish to do the rest of our lives(which in turn leads to lame posts, such as this). The cost of communication these days is about $35/month (in US). Travel has gone from virtually impossible to comes at a price. Looks we are getting there.

3. I have a theory that the purpose of life is to be happy. So try and be happy and try and keep the people around you happy. If they are happy, they are more likely to keep you happy and so on. A positive feedback control system of sorts.

4. Where marriage fits into this whole equation I still can't figure out. Ugh.

Borrowed the books, The Selfish Gene & Darwin's Dangerous Idea in an attempt to better understand how we work. Currently reading The Bonfire of the Vanities. What I take away from the book. Men are ***s. (Clue to the missing letters. Starts with a P. Ends with a G. And rhymes with Fig.)

Interesting psychiatric/neurological ailments I got to know of lately. (Thanks to House MD.)

Munchausen Syndrome
Bipolar disorder

Link flush

2008-04-25T16:16:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, but I simply can't help it. I've turned into a link collecting maniac. And to make matters worse, I insist on sharing.

There are others like me. (Check out his blog roll. Those links are kick ass as well.)

More here.

Amitabh Bachchan blogs.

I guess wiki links don't count. Math theorems I got to know of courtesy him:

Infinite monkey theorem.
Stable marriage problem.
Theorem with difficult name and impossible proof.

A completely uncreative post

2008-04-17T17:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I wielded my .. fingers over my keyboard. Writers block one might say. That would be using abstract words and euphemism to get away with, what in reality, has been my brain refusing to exert and explore. It's been growing fat, flabby and rusted in it's comfort zone.

This being said, I don't think it would be a good idea to work it too much on it's first day out. So, this post is basically going to comprise of quotes, words and sites that were brought to my attention and caught it during the past few weeks.

This dude said some rather interesting stuff over a chat:

"The stupid Indian fallacy: working harder somehow makes you a better man."

"I am not smarter so I have to work harder. There's always somebody smarter so you just blindly keep running the stupid rat race."
[Amen? Or are we trying to justify our indolence and inability?]

He also told me of this link.

This friend had the following status message:

"Que: Cars cross a certain point in the highway in accordance with a Poisson process with rate λ = 3 per minute. If Reb blindly runs across the highway, then what is the probability that she will be uninjured if the amount of time that it takes her to cross the road is s seconds? (Assume that if she is on the highway
when a car pases by then she will be injured.) Calculate for s=2, 10, 15.

Ans: Die bitch die."

Recently finished reading "A picture of Dorian Grey" by Oscar Wilde. Oscar Wilde lead a rather interesting life. (Wiki link here). Quotes from the book:

"People who love only once in their lives are really the shallow people. What they really call their loyalty and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination. Faithfulness is to the emotional life what consistency is to the life of the intellect-simply a confession of failure."

"Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes."

"Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed."

This page has some real kick ass quotes.

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." (Rich Cook)

As for the title of this post, at least I'm not deluded.

In a mushy state of mind

2008-02-18T18:09:00.000-08:00

There is a tree outside my apartment. I walk past it everyday as I leave home in the morning. The point to be noted is 'I walk past it everyday'. I "saw" it only today. Just a couple of minutes back to be precise.

It's 6 in the evening and I venture out to get something from my car. It's that time of day when the sun has just set but it still isn't dark. It seems to be getting darker by the minute but every minute seems just perfect. Twilight they call it. I remember first coming across the word in an English lesson. The teacher explained what it meant. It made so much sense that there was a word to describe that time of day. It deserves a word set aside for it. And the word twilight has this far away, mysterious feel to it. Just like the hours it describes.

Coming back to the moment. I walk out the door. It's slightly chilly but not cold. They've turned on those round white lights that light up our apparently complex. Something about the moment holds me. I walk towards the railing. I don't see a soul around. Everything around is really quite. Really peaceful. And really pretty. I hear the birds chirp now and then. There's a distant low rumbling. Feels like I'm back in India. That's when I notice it. A young tree staring right back at me. I'd never noticed it before. Never paused and looked. These lines come to mind..

"WHAT is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?—"

-W. H. Davies

And in that moment all questions about life, all rigorous planning of things to be done melt away. And everything begins to make sense.

Currently reading P.G Wodehouse. In an English state of mind you might say. Watching English comedy(Coupling), English movies(In Bruges) and reading English novels(Right Ho, Jeeves). Delightful people, these English.

Sharing. How much is too much..

2008-01-24T22:20:00.000-08:00

When I was in school, I had a chapter in English about a letter Jawaharlal Nehru wrote to his daughter Indira from prison (I tried to search for references to this on the net but couldn't find any). Nehru in his letter tells Indira that she should refrain from doing anything she would want to keep secret from others. The fact that she wouldn't want people knowing about it was a clear indication that she was doing something wrong. He did go on to say that there was a difference between secrecy and privacy and that there was nothing wrong with privacy. The chapter and the message it conveyed somehow stayed with me.

This seems like the kind of advice an Indian dad would want to give his teenage daughter. I apply the test sometimes. You should try it. It does make sense. This being said, there are certain other crucial facts we need to consider. Like,
1. Most people are dumb.
2. Most people are judgmental.
3. Most people won't put themselves in your shoes. :)

Leaving aside the general public, there is the question of how much you should/could share with friends (for that matter, there is also the question of which of your acquaintances you could call friends). Since I'm not exactly great with paras ("what do you have against paras", were the exact words of my English teacher) let's go through the various facts in points.

1. This, my dad once said. Never share your problems with others unless you think they might have a solution for it.
2. He also said, 'there should at least be one person in your life you share everything with. It helps you remain sane.'
3. Every time you share something close and personal with someone you let the person a little closer to you. You make yourself a little more vulnerable.
4. When you share something with a person, will he/she listen just because he/she is curious. Like a person hoping to catch a glimpse of a gory road accident. Or will he/she really care?
5. As a rule of thumb, I try and not discuss people. Especially if the person you are talking to knows the person you are talking about. That is always a bad idea. Call up someone who has no idea who you are talking about, and pour your heart out.
6. Some things are just too personal. Everyone has those things just one or two people in our lives know about. I believe it should stay that way. It gives value. To the things close and personal to you and to those two people in your life.
7. Almost everyone has his/her set of really close friends. Why not just talk to them when you feel like it. Why let someone new in.. And most importantly, if you do share with someone new without sharing with your old friends.. Would that be unfair to your old friends.
8. I have also noticed how we are so much more comfortable discussing emotions, issues and mawkish sentiments over chats, emails and SMSes but when in comes to talking about them in person we get uncomfortable, conscious, lost for words and sometimes even giggly. Somehow the reality of how ridiculous everything sounds hits you when you can hear yourself talking.
9. I believe you really bare yourself to a person not when you discuss your problems with them but when you discuss your aspirations.

So much for all the gyan, philosophy and contemplation. I haven't been able to reach a conclusion. I usually take the safe path and not share when in doubt. Better safe than sorry they say. And the lesser that people know about you the more interesting you seem.. ;)

Reading Cat's Cradle. I like the way Kurt Vonnegut writes. The movie Untraceable reminded me of something my English teacher once said. 'We all have a barbaric side. Wouldn't you rush to see someone hurt and bloody.' I think we are just curious. I would also rush to see if the stairs got painted pink by someone..

And I flew to New York and back... Part 1.

2008-01-04T17:56:00.000-08:00

Departure: 9:20.

8:20 : Brother and friend have dropped me off at Terminal C of San Jose Airport.

Me: Do I check in here for American Airways flights?
Officer: No. That's in Terminal A. You can take the inter-terminal bus from there [pointing in some direction].
Me: Oh. Can I walk there?
Officer: Yea, but it'll take you about 15mins. You'd better take the inter-terminal bus.
Me: Oh. Ok. [Note to self: Strangle brother and friend on getting back]

9:30 : In inter-terminal bus
The only other passengers are an Indian family. They are having a conversation about earthquakes and California. Mother talks of how buildings in California are capable of withstanding earthquakes of up to magnitude 7 on the Richter Scale. Father seems to be in a world of his own. Son asks random questions. Spaces off when mother talks. Then asks another random question.

Terminal A Bus Stop
Both me and the Indian family get off. Both me and the Indian family begin to walk in the same general direction. I'm rushing of course and leave the Indian family behind. Then I get lost and can't decide where to go. Then I stop and wait for the Indian family to pass by and begin to follow them. It's just that they seem to know where they are going and well.. I don't. I'm reminded of Dirk Gently's theory:
"When trying to get somewhere, follow a random car.
You may not end up where you were going.
But you'll certainly find yourself somewhere you needed to be."
I reach a point where road crossing is involved. I decide that this probably isn't the best time to put Dirk's theory to test.

Me: Excuse me. Are you are traveling by American Airways?
Lady/Mother: Uuh.. No. [Weirdo]
Me: Oh..

Check-in counter
I finally find the place. The check-in counter says I can carry one carry-on bag plus one personal item with me.
Me: [Hmm.. Why was I planning on checking-in this bag again.. I could just carry them both with me and save on all the baggage-claim time. :) I'm so smart]

Security Check
Remove shoes, remove jacket, remove laptop. Put them and the 2 bags through screening.
Officer: Ma'am. Could you remove all liquid items from that bag.
Me: [Oh. That is why.] Hmm.. I'm sorry officer. Could I go check it in now?
Officer: Sure. [Weirdo]
Me: [Sigh]

Flight
The plane takes off. A window seat and the view outside is... captivating. The city, with all its lights, looks like a huge PCB. Shiny yellow lights look like pins of ICs and the roads look like interconnects. Hmh. I think of all the other things the view makes me think of. Once the plane gains some more altitude it looks like an open jewelry box or like elaborate work on a sari.. Sigh

That is all I have energy for today. Maybe more about New York in a future post.

Freedom of expression - a myth?

2007-12-02T14:54:00.000-08:00

The number of unfinished posts mounting in my account is astounding. So there is no telling when and if this post will actually get published.(OK, calling the process of clicking the 'publish post' tab "publishing", might be pushing it).

I was spending a lazy Sunday morning doing all those things I plan on doing during the weekdays but never get to (gym, catching up on news, making progress on that novel that seems to be growing bigger the more I read it, updating this blog, etc etc) when I got to know of this and this that disturbed me somehow. Left me wondering and muttering, 'I don't understand'.

Here's how I look at it. She writes criticizing the believes of a section of people. The section of people get pissed off. The next thing you know, people are offering money to anyone who "blackened" Taslima's face and are accusing her of being a "Jewish spy". Hmm.. Something doesn't add up here. I try to draw an analogy. To see if that would bring more clarity. If someone was to criticize you, how would you react to it..

1. Their criticism is not misplaced. You either correct yourself or turn a deaf ear.
2. The criticism is biased, misplaced and inaccurate. But people are dumb. Most people who listen to dumb people are dumb. It's pointless explaining the correct version of things to dumb people.
3. Go out there and let people know your side of the story. The other side of the coin. You might not have as much success of course.
4. Announce a bounty for the head of the person? Hmm.. I don't think so.

My conclusion, fight a pen with a pen, not with a sword.

As for the song lyrics.. My first reaction was "huh" (followed by"whaa" I think). The song had lyrics which translate to, "even a cobbler wants to be a goldsmith". It was considered derogatory to the dalit community since all cobblers used to be dalits.. Hooww does one draw such conclusions. Hats off to Mayawati. It must take a genius to make the connection. I say vote for Mayawati in the next elections as well. If only the makers of the movie knew this was to happen they wouldn't have spent as much on it's publicity.

At this point I got really bored and stopped thinking. And writing. It's a good thing to stop writing when you stop thinking. I do good things. I feel like Mayawati. As you may see the date on this is ..., I don't know, very old. To prevent this from adding on to my list of unpublished posts I put this up now.

Trivia of the post:
Click fraud

Double standards?

2007-10-23T18:09:00.000-07:00

"Could you tell me the train I'll have to take to get there", she asked. I looked it up online and confirmed what I doubted. There were no direct trains going there. A while later she came down and asked me if I knew the number to a taxi service. I didn't. Told her who she could call to ask for it. Not once in all the while did the thought of driving her there cross my mind.

He said he walked down to work from his home everyday. Oh, do you want me to pick you up I asked. I drive down the same way.

Sigh. It's not just this. Maybe we(you are more than welcome to count yourself out of this generalization. I just feel better believing there are others with me on this) are also more tolerant to the quirks and qualms of the opposite sex. I'm not very proud of it. But guess that's just the way things are. Flirting someone called it. I'm not so sure about that. This is what I would call flirting..

[Girl bumps into guy]
Girl: Oh! I'm sorry.
Guy: [Smiles] I'm not.

Of course, if not said the right way and by the right person the guy would come out looking just plain creepy. But we're assuming the guy has the class and style to carry it off.
Not my original. Courtesy him.

This that and other.

2007-09-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

Ever had this strong urge to write despite the fact that you have nothing to write about. It's similar to the urge to talk when you have nothing to say. This, would be a very good time to stay far away from any form of writable media, especially if there is a possibility of it being read by others. This being said, what's life if you don't do something stupid once in a while.

Since I don't have anything to say (which I'm guessing you've gathered by now. If you haven't I'm not particularly excited about you reading my blog), I'm going to take this opportunity to promote these posts by a friend who got into a blog updating drive recently. I also came across this and this (the first post - A quick tale 194 and the third one - Cult of Bad Mamas) that I rather liked.

I read 'One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest' recently. And I think, (yes, I tend to do that sometimes) to be able to see the funny side of life and the ability to be ourselves and not let others tell us who we ought to be are a mans greatest strengths. "You have to laugh at the things that hurt you just to keep yourself in balance, just to keep the world from running you plumb crazy” says Chief Bromden in the book.

Moment of the month:
Phone conversation.
Him: A great man once said, "thanks to all the mediocre men in the world, if it weren't for them, how would we appreciate a genius".
Me: [distracted] Another great man once said... "Burp". Great men say a lot of things.

Moment in another guys month.
After rear-ending a car and a really short guy(avoiding the M word here) getting off of it.
Short guy: I'm not happy.
Him: So which one are you??
Me: [salutes]

A trip to Reno.
A bike ride with sweet guy through beautiful roads.
New people.
A new roomie.
Peace.

And another year passes...

2007-08-25T00:47:00.000-07:00

I grew an year older recently. (Is it a year or an year?) Lots of thoughts crossed my mind..

This post I'd read a long time back came to mind. (The second one. 'One cloudy Tuesday afternoon on a motorway').

Thoughts of growing old and wrinkly were there like a hard to ignore extra in a movie. But like Person B once said, "if you're gonna get raped, might as well enjoy it.." :).

But the hero of the moment was the fear that as the years pass I'll loose the passion to learn and discover. That I'll grow too lazy to exert myself to do new things and that my mind will grow closed to new ideas.

Aaah.. Whatever.

I say life is worth living as long as there is a new person to meet and get to know, an old friend to go back to, an unexplored place to visit, an unread book to look forward to and someone to dedicate this song to. I'm grateful to them all.

Hmm.. Lesse what I have to say when I turn 24.. Sigh.

Hop skip and jump

2007-08-01T23:54:00.000-07:00

Warning: A more than tolerable number of "I"s are to be expected in the post that follows. Readers are warned that reading the following will probably be a complete waste of about 5 minutes of their time that could have been spent admiring Maria Sharapova or Bard Pitt or both.

I met a bunch of rather delightful guys from Standford over the weekend. Conversation:
Guy A: It(the cinema) was so crowed the last time I was here with Person A(another guy), they didn't even have 2 seats together. We had to watch the movie sitting apart!! 2 seats together.. That's all we wanted..
Guy B: Which movie?
Guy A: Die Hard 3..
Guy B: Oh just cruel that you had to watch Die Hard all alone..
Guy A: I know.. The whole movie. No one to hold my hand..
Me: [Hehe]

Hmm.. I also learned how to say "I am an egg" in German.. Sounds something like "Ekh binn ein eii" .. :) Now all I need to do is find a German to show off. I also taught the German and Austrian how to say "I am an egg" in Hindi. Though it sounded like they were saying "I am inside" :D. Delightful Austrian..

I also went to a shooting range. Ah.. The feel of a shotgun plowing into you as the bullet hits its mark. Like sweet love making.

I also went to laser quest. Yes, the very same Barny and Robin play in HIMYM. I wasn't as good but that's besides the point. Sustained a self inflicted war time injury. It was a full one centimeter :D

Add to that my very first traffic ticket and I'd say it's been a pretty happening month..

Finally reading Harry Potter 6. Ginny has become all cool and caring and popular. Like the penultimate Hindi movie heroine. WTH. I want awkward, foot shuffling Ginny back. I like awkward foot shufflers.

Apparently, great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events and small minds discuss people. Mine probably lives in my knees..

Much ado about me. :D

2007-07-25T20:20:00.000-07:00

I believe God gives us exactly what we ask for and then laughs His head off.

I believe God should have been made in the image of George Carlin.

I believe to be happy in life you need to know and accept the two indisputable truths - life can be a bitch and shit happens.

I believe living life is like walking a tight rope with the balancing pole growing shorter as the years pass.

I believe the man who wished for the world and got it has nothing more to live for, unless he has the courage to go on and wish for a star.

I believe the theory that if an employee is indispensable, fire him should be extended to life as well.

I believe I'm searching for something but don't quite know what.

I believe tough times make you both stronger and softer.

I'm back from my long sabbatical from blogging. All that I've mentioned above could be interpreted in several ways. It's left that way on purpose.

Random Mumblings

2007-06-10T15:08:00.000-07:00

Sparkling yellow lights, so far away they shine.
Stories of fun, frolic and laughter they whisper into the night,
Of a life full of joy, of a life full of life,
Where every tomorrow is one to wake up to,
Where very mornings sun shines bright.

Just 'nothings' I thought of yesterday night. I've always been enticed by them. Those yellow street lights that would light up the street perpendicular mine. With cars and mopeds buzzing by with their headlights on.

So much for sweet nothings. Getting to the issue at hand, there is none. Hence the rest of this post is also going to comprise of unrelated nothings.

I have been reading 'The Fountainhead'. Half way through the novel and the story seems alright, although Ayn Rand tends to go a little overboard at times. I personally liked the book, not for it's story but for it's characters. I liked it for the fact that I haven't come across similar characters in the books I've read till date (which could be attributed to me not having read a sufficiently wide variety of books) and yet the characters seem so believable and real. Anyone who reads the novel will probably relate to one or the other of these characters. He thinks it's amazing. He thinks it's a load of nonsense. And he thinks it's a ladies novel with all women who read it seeing themselves in Dominique Francon(one of the characters).

On a completely different note. I/we have realised that the English language is fairly unimaginative with its abuses, as compared to the Indian languages. Again, my thinking so might be because of my lack of a more complete English vocabulary, but I doubt you'll come across the following phrases in English:
Shake.
Die / die in a handful of water.(not too much of an abuse, this one)
Your grandmother. [Period :D]
Have you mentioned at home and come?
Sister's [:D]
And a lot more I won't venture into. Of course there are several parallels too.

I wonder if to be truly free you have to make sure you never love anything(be it money, lifestyle or a man). So that you don't live in perpetual fear of loosing it. So that nothing can hurt you. Nothing can control your doings. Dominique in Fountainhead thinks so (in my humble understanding of the novel and the character). They say life lived like that isn't life lived. I just wonder.

A car I bought.
People I met.
Master Yoda I speak like.
Kinky we can get. :D

Hmm.. Marry.. Why?

2007-05-20T09:10:00.000-07:00

I had the "find someone for yourself else I'll have to do the honors" conversation with my dad a couple of days back. "Aaah I don't want to" I said. "You have to" he said. "We'll have the rest of this conversation after another 3 years" I said. He agreed.

"You have to" he said. Why? Why do I have to.. Why do almost 99.9% of the Indians think it absolutely necessary to get married. A friend of mine had a similar conversation with her dad. This was her argument (this is hearsay, so these might not be her exact words): girls generally get married for financial support, emotional support and physical intimacy. She is able to support herself financially, her friends give her all the emotional support she needs and physical intimacy isn't hard to find these days. So why does one need to get married. I don't completely agree with her. Maybe once your friends get married and have their own families they won't be able to give you the same kind of emotional support. But then again maybe having emotional support is another one of those over-rated things. Go for long enough without it and you'll get used to it.

Maybe that's not all. Maybe you also get married for companionship and children. Maybe it is the maternal instinct in us that drives us towards marriage and consequently having children. But marriage isn't necessary for that. If one wants to have a child adoption is always an option. Not to mention having children outside of wedlock (I can almost hear the tsk tsks). We could live life the Sushmita Sen way. Buy our own diamonds and adopt a child.

Me. I'm a skeptic. I don't believe in the concept of ever lasting love and being made for each other. I believe you can have a fairly comfortable marriage with almost any guy (provided you give it your time and energy) and that no guy can give you the perfect marriage. But why marry when you can have it all (at least most of it) without the trouble. Maybe. Just maybe it's about finding "the right guy". She once said, "the guy who'll make you want to sacrifice the familiar for the "maybe"". Don't think it can be expressed any better than that.

All things nice and overrated

2007-05-05T18:11:00.000-07:00

1. Conversation, for starters.
Whatever happened to comfortable silence.
2. Self-discovery.
Know thy self and waste a lot of time in the process. You are who you believe you are.
3. Being normal and sane.
What's the point. If you aren't a little weird or messed up you aren't interesting enough. Normal people are boring.
4. Useful utilization of time.
Define useful. Stop utilizing. Start living.
5. Being a Roman in Rome.
This theory has already lost ground. Be who you are and maybe pick up a couple of Roman qualities you admire. Like the way that cute Italian guy smiles..

PS: I know there exist valid counter arguments for each of these statements I have made. I myself am not a staunch follower of these theories. I just believe all this stuff is overrated :)
PPS: When I say "you are who you believe you are" I do not mean you go on to believe you are superman and jump off the cliff. Actually, if you manage to reach such a conclusion, you probably should jump off the cliff. The average world IQ would make a huge leap.

Conversation of the week:
Me: I sort of maintain a blog.
Person A: Blog?
Person B: Blog. Where people write stuff because they don't have friends around to talk about it to.
Me: [Sigh] Probably.

Me misses...

2007-05-04T10:52:00.000-07:00

Hindi music. (You have no idea how good it sounds until you haven't listened to it for months together.)

Grandma's tea and pointless channel surfing after a tiring day at college and a good evening nap.

Friends dropping in and insisting on making conversation while you are having the evening nap.

You trying to convince them to sleep as well.

Sleeping like there is no tomorrow after an exam well done.

Non-stop, rapid speed messaging (Oh how I miss my Nokia) because phone calls aren't free.

Slight drizzle and good company on the walk back home.

Sitting behind the canteen with 20 other people and mugging for an exam.

Treks through leach ridden paths.

Traveling on a truck because the bus broke down.

Bending out of the truck as it makes sharp turns.

Watching Kannada movies in the theaters of Majestic.

Road side Pani Puri.

Hanging out in college bus having pointless conversations.

Yes, I'm an emotional fool.
Yes, I find it very difficult to move on.

To all my crushes..

2007-04-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

He smiles and it feels like I could give the world to make sure that smile never fades. It feels even nicer if I was somehow responsible for that smile. He talks to me and I'm struggling to come up with something remotely smart to say in return. It's just a crush. I will probably never have an actual conversation with him. If I did, that would probably mean the crush had ceased to exist. He's not the first. There have been many before him and I hope there will be many after. Because (huge grammatic mistake you say? Go to hell I say) he makes me feel alive. Gives me something to wake up to. Assures me that cynicism and skepticism gained over the years hasn't killed the dreamer, lover, romantic in me.

I don't remember how many there were. I take wearing one's heart on one's shoulder to new levels. My heart generally hovers around me somewhere. There was the smart guy with the broken tooth. The sweet looking guy of few words. The 2nd second sweet guy of few words. The guy with the cringe-ey eyed smile. The smart guy who helped me out. The smart sweet guy. The really smart, really sweet guy. And lately, the replica of the really smart, really sweet guy and the self proclaimed grouch with the genuine smile. (Lost somewhere in between? Don't bother. Think one of them might have been you? Probably ;) )

There have been others I haven't mentioned. I've also realised that I am particularly drawn to guys who are smart, sweet and subtle. So if you are a guy, with even two of these 3 qualities.. Stay away. I'm trying to tame my heart here.

At work and bored

2007-04-16T11:20:00.000-07:00

Two weeks since work started and I feel like a like a novice swimmer thrown into deep deep waters, hoping she will learn to swim to keep herself alive. For moments in between you feel like you are making progress but before you know it, the moment has passed. After 6 years of college and staying at a place you are just beginning to get comfortable with the place, people and style of life, when whoosh (trying to imitate the sound made when a slingshot is released). You are in a completely new place with new people, new protocols and new almost-every-other-thing. All of a sudden there are so many things you need to learn and master - the fine art of making coffee (the master plan was/is, if I didn't know how to make one, no one would ask me to. So much for master plans.), the art of meaning what you say and yet not saying what you mean, the fake laugh, married men and the list goes on.

While trying to unravel the mysteries of this strange new world, I stumbled upon the eternal (? maybe not that eternal) question of – can colleagues be friends? Is it just me who seems to be having trouble connecting and being comfortable with colleagues or is it Universal? Can you never again in your life make the kind of friends you made in college? Or are we just loosing patience? Is there so much at stake at the workplace that no one wants to let down their guard? Or is it just that there isn’t enough choice? Going by real life examples, of the 4 or 5 close friends that my parents have, none of them are their colleagues. That isn’t much consolation.

I however, wish to remain hopeful. For is it not hope that keeps the world moving (no wait. I think it was faith or belief but hope comes close). Hence the struggle continues. To find ones place amongst people. To find ones place in the world.