To all my crushes..

He smiles and it feels like I could give the world to make sure that smile never fades. It feels even nicer if I was somehow responsible for that smile. He talks to me and I'm struggling to come up with something remotely smart to say in return. It's just a crush. I will probably never have an actual conversation with him. If I did, that would probably mean the crush had ceased to exist. He's not the first. There have been many before him and I hope there will be many after. Because (huge grammatic mistake you say? Go to hell I say) he makes me feel alive. Gives me something to wake up to. Assures me that cynicism and skepticism gained over the years hasn't killed the dreamer, lover, romantic in me.

I don't remember how many there were. I take wearing one's heart on one's shoulder to new levels. My heart generally hovers around me somewhere. There was the smart guy with the broken tooth. The sweet looking guy of few words. The 2nd second sweet guy of few words. The guy with the cringe-ey eyed smile. The smart guy who helped me out. The smart sweet guy. The really smart, really sweet guy. And lately, the replica of the really smart, really sweet guy and the self proclaimed grouch with the genuine smile. (Lost somewhere in between? Don't bother. Think one of them might have been you? Probably ;) )

There have been others I haven't mentioned. I've also realised that I am particularly drawn to guys who are smart, sweet and subtle. So if you are a guy, with even two of these 3 qualities.. Stay away. I'm trying to tame my heart here.

At work and bored

Two weeks since work started and I feel like a like a novice swimmer thrown into deep deep waters, hoping she will learn to swim to keep herself alive. For moments in between you feel like you are making progress but before you know it, the moment has passed. After 6 years of college and staying at a place you are just beginning to get comfortable with the place, people and style of life, when whoosh (trying to imitate the sound made when a slingshot is released). You are in a completely new place with new people, new protocols and new almost-every-other-thing. All of a sudden there are so many things you need to learn and master - the fine art of making coffee (the master plan was/is, if I didn't know how to make one, no one would ask me to. So much for master plans.), the art of meaning what you say and yet not saying what you mean, the fake laugh, married men and the list goes on.

While trying to unravel the mysteries of this strange new world, I stumbled upon the eternal (? maybe not that eternal) question of – can colleagues be friends? Is it just me who seems to be having trouble connecting and being comfortable with colleagues or is it Universal? Can you never again in your life make the kind of friends you made in college? Or are we just loosing patience? Is there so much at stake at the workplace that no one wants to let down their guard? Or is it just that there isn’t enough choice? Going by real life examples, of the 4 or 5 close friends that my parents have, none of them are their colleagues. That isn’t much consolation.

I however, wish to remain hopeful. For is it not hope that keeps the world moving (no wait. I think it was faith or belief but hope comes close). Hence the struggle continues. To find ones place amongst people. To find ones place in the world.