Insights

It's been a while since I posted. Graduate life does not leave you with too much spare time. It does give you a fair amount of time to think (since you have no money to do much else), just not enough time to be amusing. The following are some of the insights I've had over the past few months.

Time spent studying to performance graph


Speed of work is inversely proportional to time to deadline.

Happiness = e^x
A friends insight this one. Say something makes you happy at a point of time. After a while you get used to the feeling. Then, you're no longer as happy as you were at the earlier instant. You need something better/bigger/different to make you happy again.
Happiness = Derivative of happiness, he said.
This line from Grey's Anatomy made sense. "Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop." It's all about the change.

PS: Here I speak only of external sources of happiness.

The fight
"TA ke liye fight nahi mara", he asked. "Didn't you put up a fight for a TA", it translates to. Fight? I thought. Is that what it takes? Is that why some get ahead of others? (We can discuss what we want to define as "ahead" in a later post) Because they fight for it?

Competition
It's a double edged sword, this competition. It gets you to work really hard and achieve great things. You probably end up leading a miserable life.

For respect or envy?
Is everything we do just so that we have the envy or respect of others? Just so that others think of us as an awesome, all knowing or accomplished (whichever floats your boat) person? If that is the case, and it can't be helped, I'd rather work for respect than envy.

Stable matching
I've mentioned the stable matching algorithm in an earlier post. The classic example involves pairing men and women. The conditions to be satisfied and the algorithm to get there is explained here. I wonder if real life works this way as well. Men propose to woman starting from the lady on the top of their "preferred women list". If rejected, they move on to their next preference. Women trade up. Whenever proposed by a man higher up on their "preferred men list", they break their current pairing and pair up with this new person. (This analogy does bring out women in bad light). The point to be noted is, this algorithm is "male-optimal and female-pessimal", which translates to, "each man is paired with his highest ranked feasible partner and each female is paired with her lowest ranked feasible partner". Women, think. Maybe this tells us something. Maybe we ought to change how we work. Maybe actively seek rather than passively wait?

Tattva galore.

The cat lived a long dull life.

"If ignorance is bliss why do we seek knowledge?", the contestants of Miss India contest were asked.

Oscar Wilde says, "It is a sad thing to think of, but there is no doubt that genius lasts longer than beauty. That accounts for the fact that we all take such pains to over educate ourselves. In the wild struggle for existence, we want to have something that endures, so we fill our minds with rubbish and facts, in the silly hope of keeping our place. The throughly well informed man-that is the modern ideal. And the mind of the thoroughly well informed man is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-a-bric shop, all monsters and dust with everything priced above its proper value."

As kids we are encouraged to have a healthy sense of curiosity. The kid with most questions is considered to have the more agile and sound of minds. As we grow older, people grow less tolerant of incessant questioning. Curiosity goes from an appreciated quality to an annoying one. Yet, you learn only if you are curious and ask questions. So, where do you draw the line when it comes to question asking and curious being?


Favor bank

One of the characters in the book Bonfire of the Vanities talks of how the entire criminal justice system works on a concept called "favor bank". Whenever a person does a favor for another, it is thought of as deposits made to this bank. One makes deposits whenever one can. That way, when the need arises, one gets to make withdrawals. I was lead to wonder if real life works this way as well. If the reason we make friends, care and do so much for them is so that they'll be there when we need them. It was a depressing thought.


Judge a person based on his brains and not his beauty?

Brains is as much a genetically acquired quality as beauty is. For that matter, any quality is probably genetically acquired. I guess the solution would be to stop judging.

A ghazal by Jagjit Singh goes, "Parakhna mat parakhne main koi apna nahin rehta". It translates to, "don't judge. No one remains your own in the process." This is a crappy translation but it pretty much conveys his message.


If you speak everything you think you must be seriously devoid of thoughts.

Period.


Currently reading Far from the Madding Crowd. The introduction to the book says, "Far from the Madding Crowd is the book that made Hardy famous, and it is the sunniest and least brooding of his great novels." Those are not exactly encouraging words. I told this to a friend. He said he would gift me Hardy's other works.

Marissa Mayer's keynote at Google I/O developers conference here. Nice insight into how they work at Google. Wiki says she was the first female engineer hired at Google. I'm envious.

The art of conversation making

"Conversation like television on honeymoon. Unnecessary."
has been one of my all time favorite quotes. Whether I think conversation to be unnecessary because I'm not too good at it or if I'm not too good at it because I think it to be unnecessary is.. a chicken and egg question(of sorts).

All said and done, you sometimes have this urge to talk to people even when you have nothing to say. I have been flexing my conversation starting skills lately. Needless to say I haven't achieved too much success. Considering the fact that my past attempts involved questions like, "So. You ever tried running away from home when you were a kid" and "Did you ever have an imaginary friend", the fact that the people I tried conversing with didn't think I was a freak was, in itself, a feat.

For lack of better ways of keeping myself amused I've tried to categorize the various conversation starting/making strategies. Some of these I've actually tried out. Some were tried on me. Accompanying them are also the replies that ran through my mind when the statements/questions were made/asked.

1. The skill of observation making.

1a) I walked by the cube of a colleague reading something.

Me: Reading I see..
Ideal reply: Making obvious observations I see..
:D

1b) Walked by the cube of a colleague heading home with his bike.

Me: Ah. Heading home I see.
Ideal reply: Na. Taking my bike out for a stroll.

2. The art of incessant question asking.

She: What are you watching?
Me: The news.
She: Oh. You watch it regularly?
Me: More like randomly.
She: So. How many of you went for the movie?
Me: 5.
She: Who all?
Me: A, B, C, D.
She: Oh. And who organized it?
Me: A.
She: Oh. Which movie.
Ideal reply: Jenna Jameson the Masseuse.

3. The concern strategy.

Question: Hey, how have you been?
Ideal reply: I would rather die than lead the pathetic life that I currently do. My girlfriend thinks I'm a loser and is with me only because she has nowhere else to go, my friends have stopped talking to me since I stopped buying them lunch and sometimes the boredom and ennui of this vacuous existence makes me want to jump in front of a moving train.

That's all I have come up with so far. To all the women out there(and the men who don't get bored easy): This.

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may"

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying;
And this same flower that smiles today;
Tomorrow will be dying."

From this poem by Robert Henrrick. The poet asks young women to nail themselves a man before their beauty fades. Sigh. Even 17th century poets seem to be bent on rubbing in the fact that a woman's beauty is but a fleeting asset. Also the nailing a man part.

I was home spending a not-exactly-happening Friday evening when I decided to occupy myself with a movie. The movie of choice; "Dead Poets Society."

Sigh. I guess you're just more susceptible to getting carried away by words, romance, and happy ideas on a Friday evening.

"Show me the heart unfettered by foolish dreams and I'll show you a happy man.", said the cynic.
"But only in their dreams can men be truly free. 'Twas always thus, and always thus will be.", said Mr. Keating(Robin Williams).

"And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

"We must constantly look at things a different way"

"Most men lead lives of quite desperation"

"Carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary. "

Robin William kicks ass (like he always does). You also find a young Robert Sean Leonard who also stars in House MD as the best friend and a unfaithful husband. James Williams... Sigh..

Director: Peter Weir. Also the director of "The Truman Show".

" "We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, "O me! O life!... of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless... of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, O me, O life?" Answer. That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. That the powerful play *goes on* and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be? "

"My verse?", I thought.
"Blow the trumpet, blow it loud. Let the world know you're around."
(I know what blowing your trumpet means. I'm not an idiot, as much as a lot of you would like to believe. Especially you. Why *this* particular line? Because it came to me at the time. And *more* importantly.. It rhymed.)

A good movie is one that makes you laugh and cry with it. I loved every moment of it. Being whimsical one might say. I'm 23. I'll be 23 for only this one year. I want to enjoy every moment of being 23. I was 17 once. I'm really glad I did all that only a 17 year old has the heart, courage and opportunity to do.

Of life and other lame things.

Asking me what I want of life seems to be the pet peeve of people around me these days. To them I have to say, this and this. (The first link brought to my attention by him).

So, I have been doing some soul searching and have arrived at the conclusion that... Well, I haven't really arrived at any conclusion. Who do you think I am? Socrates? How well do you know me to expect me to arrive at any conclusion.

The famous sunscreen video tells me,

"Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t."

I like that video. The words of wisdom he dispenses make so much sense.

"Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes you are behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself."

That, and this poem.

But all that thinking has brought up some rather interesting.. theories? ideas? questions?

1. Independence and security. Why does it feel like you might have to sacrifice one for the other.

2. I remember watching an episode of Star Trek where Captain Kirk says something to the effect of, "In todays world people don’t work for money but rather for personal fulfillment."

This is my idea of Utopia. This, and free communication and travel. I believe(or want to believe) that we are getting there. We have more flexibility in our choice of careers than our parents did. We ask ourselves what we wish to do the rest of our lives(which in turn leads to lame posts, such as this). The cost of communication these days is about $35/month (in US). Travel has gone from virtually impossible to comes at a price. Looks we are getting there.

3. I have a theory that the purpose of life is to be happy. So try and be happy and try and keep the people around you happy. If they are happy, they are more likely to keep you happy and so on. A positive feedback control system of sorts.

4. Where marriage fits into this whole equation I still can't figure out. Ugh.

Borrowed the books, The Selfish Gene & Darwin's Dangerous Idea in an attempt to better understand how we work. Currently reading The Bonfire of the Vanities. What I take away from the book. Men are ***s. (Clue to the missing letters. Starts with a P. Ends with a G. And rhymes with Fig.)

Interesting psychiatric/neurological ailments I got to know of lately. (Thanks to House MD.)

Munchausen Syndrome
Bipolar disorder

Link flush

I'm sorry, but I simply can't help it. I've turned into a link collecting maniac. And to make matters worse, I insist on sharing.

There are others like me. (Check out his blog roll. Those links are kick ass as well.)

More here.

Amitabh Bachchan blogs.

I guess wiki links don't count. Math theorems I got to know of courtesy him:

Infinite monkey theorem.
Stable marriage problem.
Theorem with difficult name and impossible proof.

A completely uncreative post

It's been a while since I wielded my .. fingers over my keyboard. Writers block one might say. That would be using abstract words and euphemism to get away with, what in reality, has been my brain refusing to exert and explore. It's been growing fat, flabby and rusted in it's comfort zone.

This being said, I don't think it would be a good idea to work it too much on it's first day out. So, this post is basically going to comprise of quotes, words and sites that were brought to my attention and caught it during the past few weeks.

This dude said some rather interesting stuff over a chat:

"The stupid Indian fallacy: working harder somehow makes you a better man."

"I am not smarter so I have to work harder. There's always somebody smarter so you just blindly keep running the stupid rat race."
[Amen? Or are we trying to justify our indolence and inability?]

He also told me of this link.


This friend had the following status message:

"Que: Cars cross a certain point in the highway in accordance with a Poisson process with rate λ = 3 per minute. If Reb blindly runs across the highway, then what is the probability that she will be uninjured if the amount of time that it takes her to cross the road is s seconds? (Assume that if she is on the highway
when a car pases by then she will be injured.) Calculate for s=2, 10, 15.

Ans: Die bitch die."


Recently finished reading "A picture of Dorian Grey" by Oscar Wilde. Oscar Wilde lead a rather interesting life. (Wiki link here). Quotes from the book:

"People who love only once in their lives are really the shallow people. What they really call their loyalty and their fidelity, I call either the lethargy of custom or their lack of imagination. Faithfulness is to the emotional life what consistency is to the life of the intellect-simply a confession of failure."

"Nowadays most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes."

"Men marry because they are tired. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed."


This page has some real kick ass quotes.

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." (Rich Cook)


As for the title of this post, at least I'm not deluded.

In a mushy state of mind

There is a tree outside my apartment. I walk past it everyday as I leave home in the morning. The point to be noted is 'I walk past it everyday'. I "saw" it only today. Just a couple of minutes back to be precise.

It's 6 in the evening and I venture out to get something from my car. It's that time of day when the sun has just set but it still isn't dark. It seems to be getting darker by the minute but every minute seems just perfect. Twilight they call it. I remember first coming across the word in an English lesson. The teacher explained what it meant. It made so much sense that there was a word to describe that time of day. It deserves a word set aside for it. And the word twilight has this far away, mysterious feel to it. Just like the hours it describes.

Coming back to the moment. I walk out the door. It's slightly chilly but not cold. They've turned on those round white lights that light up our apparently complex. Something about the moment holds me. I walk towards the railing. I don't see a soul around. Everything around is really quite. Really peaceful. And really pretty. I hear the birds chirp now and then. There's a distant low rumbling. Feels like I'm back in India. That's when I notice it. A young tree staring right back at me. I'd never noticed it before. Never paused and looked. These lines come to mind..

"WHAT is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?—"

-W. H. Davies

And in that moment all questions about life, all rigorous planning of things to be done melt away. And everything begins to make sense.

Currently reading P.G Wodehouse. In an English state of mind you might say. Watching English comedy(Coupling), English movies(In Bruges) and reading English novels(Right Ho, Jeeves). Delightful people, these English.

Sharing. How much is too much..

When I was in school, I had a chapter in English about a letter Jawaharlal Nehru wrote to his daughter Indira from prison (I tried to search for references to this on the net but couldn't find any). Nehru in his letter tells Indira that she should refrain from doing anything she would want to keep secret from others. The fact that she wouldn't want people knowing about it was a clear indication that she was doing something wrong. He did go on to say that there was a difference between secrecy and privacy and that there was nothing wrong with privacy. The chapter and the message it conveyed somehow stayed with me.

This seems like the kind of advice an Indian dad would want to give his teenage daughter. I apply the test sometimes. You should try it. It does make sense. This being said, there are certain other crucial facts we need to consider. Like,
1. Most people are dumb.
2. Most people are judgmental.
3. Most people won't put themselves in your shoes. :)

Leaving aside the general public, there is the question of how much you should/could share with friends (for that matter, there is also the question of which of your acquaintances you could call friends). Since I'm not exactly great with paras ("what do you have against paras", were the exact words of my English teacher) let's go through the various facts in points.

1. This, my dad once said. Never share your problems with others unless you think they might have a solution for it.
2. He also said, 'there should at least be one person in your life you share everything with. It helps you remain sane.'
3. Every time you share something close and personal with someone you let the person a little closer to you. You make yourself a little more vulnerable.
4. When you share something with a person, will he/she listen just because he/she is curious. Like a person hoping to catch a glimpse of a gory road accident. Or will he/she really care?
5. As a rule of thumb, I try and not discuss people. Especially if the person you are talking to knows the person you are talking about. That is always a bad idea. Call up someone who has no idea who you are talking about, and pour your heart out.
6. Some things are just too personal. Everyone has those things just one or two people in our lives know about. I believe it should stay that way. It gives value. To the things close and personal to you and to those two people in your life.
7. Almost everyone has his/her set of really close friends. Why not just talk to them when you feel like it. Why let someone new in.. And most importantly, if you do share with someone new without sharing with your old friends.. Would that be unfair to your old friends.
8. I have also noticed how we are so much more comfortable discussing emotions, issues and mawkish sentiments over chats, emails and SMSes but when in comes to talking about them in person we get uncomfortable, conscious, lost for words and sometimes even giggly. Somehow the reality of how ridiculous everything sounds hits you when you can hear yourself talking.
9. I believe you really bare yourself to a person not when you discuss your problems with them but when you discuss your aspirations.

So much for all the gyan, philosophy and contemplation. I haven't been able to reach a conclusion. I usually take the safe path and not share when in doubt. Better safe than sorry they say. And the lesser that people know about you the more interesting you seem.. ;)

Reading Cat's Cradle. I like the way Kurt Vonnegut writes. The movie Untraceable reminded me of something my English teacher once said. 'We all have a barbaric side. Wouldn't you rush to see someone hurt and bloody.' I think we are just curious. I would also rush to see if the stairs got painted pink by someone..

And I flew to New York and back... Part 1.

Departure: 9:20.

8:20 : Brother and friend have dropped me off at Terminal C of San Jose Airport.

Me: Do I check in here for American Airways flights?
Officer: No. That's in Terminal A. You can take the inter-terminal bus from there [pointing in some direction].
Me: Oh. Can I walk there?
Officer: Yea, but it'll take you about 15mins. You'd better take the inter-terminal bus.
Me: Oh. Ok. [Note to self: Strangle brother and friend on getting back]

9:30 : In inter-terminal bus
The only other passengers are an Indian family. They are having a conversation about earthquakes and California. Mother talks of how buildings in California are capable of withstanding earthquakes of up to magnitude 7 on the Richter Scale. Father seems to be in a world of his own. Son asks random questions. Spaces off when mother talks. Then asks another random question.

Terminal A Bus Stop
Both me and the Indian family get off. Both me and the Indian family begin to walk in the same general direction. I'm rushing of course and leave the Indian family behind. Then I get lost and can't decide where to go. Then I stop and wait for the Indian family to pass by and begin to follow them. It's just that they seem to know where they are going and well.. I don't. I'm reminded of Dirk Gently's theory:
"When trying to get somewhere, follow a random car.
You may not end up where you were going.
But you'll certainly find yourself somewhere you needed to be."
I reach a point where road crossing is involved. I decide that this probably isn't the best time to put Dirk's theory to test.

Me: Excuse me. Are you are traveling by American Airways?
Lady/Mother: Uuh.. No. [Weirdo]
Me: Oh..

Check-in counter
I finally find the place. The check-in counter says I can carry one carry-on bag plus one personal item with me.
Me: [Hmm.. Why was I planning on checking-in this bag again.. I could just carry them both with me and save on all the baggage-claim time. :) I'm so smart]

Security Check
Remove shoes, remove jacket, remove laptop. Put them and the 2 bags through screening.
Officer: Ma'am. Could you remove all liquid items from that bag.
Me: [Oh. That is why.] Hmm.. I'm sorry officer. Could I go check it in now?
Officer: Sure. [Weirdo]
Me: [Sigh]

Flight
The plane takes off. A window seat and the view outside is... captivating. The city, with all its lights, looks like a huge PCB. Shiny yellow lights look like pins of ICs and the roads look like interconnects. Hmh. I think of all the other things the view makes me think of. Once the plane gains some more altitude it looks like an open jewelry box or like elaborate work on a sari.. Sigh

That is all I have energy for today. Maybe more about New York in a future post.